Well it is 4 weeks later and a lot has happened to my family. Sophie had her operation and was in the most incredible pain afterwards and had to stay in hospital for 4 days. It was heartbreaking seeing my child in so much pain even though she is 25.
At the same time ‘something’ happened to my hip and I could barely walk. This continued until her return home and whist Lawrence was at work I was having to look after Sophie using a crutch! What a pair!
This last Monday Sophie started bringing up blood - she is on blood thinners - so this was quite a worry, Quick dash to A&E resulted in 2 days being spent there. Thankfully the bleeding stopped and she came home
The following day Lawrence came home from work with his complete leg below his knee swollen, bright red and incredibly painful. Fearing a blood clot it was off to A&E again where we were informed it was a very bad infection. Lawrence hasn’t been able to work for a few days now which being self employed and having to pay for a city centre shop puts a lot of financial pressure on us.
And next week brings a huge challenge. My dad is undergoing an operation on his very large aortic aneurysm.
I have had many emotions. Thankfulness, and at other times asking ‘what is going on?’, ‘why is this happening?’ The ‘camels straw’ happened after Lawrence’s leg - and I did momentarily question my Faith. But then I tried to look objectively in terms of there being suffering in this world and there also being a God.
On the assumption that all suffering is bad, my first thought was that God cannot discriminate between who suffers and who does not. That seems wrong on many levels and also I believe could possibly have a ripple effect affecting theological theory. I then looked at the suffering my family have and are going through and I was guided to find some positives. Interestingly I did find some. I won’t write them here as some are of a personal nature, and there is nothing black and white about this - more of a grey. But the positives are there.
Up to now I have avoided reading books about pain and suffering as I thought they may be a bit depressing. But now I welcomed the chance to learn more. I have now started reading ‘Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering’ by Timothy Keller. Wow this really is an extensive subject and is going to take some learning!
The book looks at this from an Atheist, general Theist and Christian point of view. The parts I have really taken on board so far are examples of people who have suffered greatly yet come through the other side grateful for the suffering. On the face of it this sounds ridiculous, but hearing the stories you can really see the possibilities of this. I am around a third of the way through and so am yet to form conclusions on this subject - that is even if it is indeed possible to form a conclusion. For now I am going with the fact that there are some positives in our situation.
I am so grateful to have found God and become a Christian. I am also so grateful for my Christian friends who have given such unbelievable support. It does make you think how much kinder the world would be if everyone was a Christian….
Church this morning was overwhelming and full of kindness and love. A kindness and love I have never felt before outside of my immediate family. The service was very relevant - about suffering and healing - a last minute change. My family was prayed for and I felt warmth spreading through me and a surreal experience of being protected. Was this God? I believe so. I now believe he really is with me through my family’s suffering. And I can’t thank enough all the people at Church this morning for the kindness I received.
I will go into this week with God by my side - and the feeling of love and kindness, received this morning from all at Church. Thank you and God bless x